deviantgene

Pale Blue Dot


In 1990, just as the Voyager spacecraft was at the very edge of our Solar system, The Scientist Carl Sagan asked for it to be turned around , to click a picture of the earth
Here is the picture, think about this the next time we have a sense of inflated ego
There is noise everywhere, the pedestrian small talk
The nothingness I can no longer relate to
The buzz of smart phones, the mind numbing pop playing on the radio
In the TV in the background, she talks of rape
He bites into the Mayonnaise
KFC, or MC Donald’s, it could be, I don’t remember
And then he goes back to his writing, words like ‘pithy’ and ‘loquacious’ writing about all the wrongs
They committed to his brothers
1947, 1984, he spews dates , and I can see them fall from his mouth and gather
Into a little puddle on the floor
His eyes bleed red, from last night’s JD (3000 Rupees, I think)
As he talks about all the ills plaguing the country
The TV screen is silent now, nothing but dumb static
And I stand, transfixed, as the surreal plays out around me , like from an Alan Moore graphic novel
He is still ranting, about how Naxalbari ruined his sister’s life
Wearing his Nikes and His Levi’s, he shows me pictures on his Iphone, of the NGO he helps run in Greater Kailash
The names, faces keep changing, and there is always a cause , the cause that the middle generations want to fight for , the safe changing of the world, the Facebook sharing of videos which purport to help the poor
I hate them. I hate you who pretend to care, who wants to help ‘THEM’ , when you know that all you want to serve is your own sense of self righteousness.

Objects

Bilkis Bibi walks into the house. It is nothing for her now, where once she could imagine the laughter of her children, the dinner table conversations, the nuzzling with her beloved on the sofa, now there are just Objects. 
Not memories. 
Objects. 
There is a chair. 
There is the hard marble floor. 
There is the wall. Objects. 
The ancient stain on the wall is just that, a stain, not the dried ketchup from when she was trying to make a sandwich and Amaan had surprised her by suddenly nuzzling her neck, so she had dropped the entire plate, ketchup and all. 
She looks around, at the empty walls, devoid of all meaning, of all emotion. The whitewash, the paint, is as unthinking, as unfeeling as the numbness in some corner of her mind. There is very little to keep her here now. 

A digression, to set the mood. This scene, one would imagine, plays out in black and white. On a foggy winter evening in the streets of Delhi. The house is dark, really, dark and damp. Not at all like the living, breathing entity it seemed to be when Amaan and Bilkis lived in it. When Amaan was still alive, that is. 

She takes out their photograph, her favorite one of the two of them together. She always carries it in her kurti, it is her last memory of them together , where they seem happy. She wonders how life would have been. She imagines children, 2 , she thinks. A boy and a girl. They would have loved it here, she thinks. And she almost imagines Amaan playing with the children in the courtyard. And then , like it is being directed, in a movie, the scene of his death plays out in front of her. 

Of the Riots , of last year, since that day, when there were voices on the street. “Kill them, Burn them, loot them, pillage, rape, murder” The Viking calls of men lost high on blood and ideology. Savage beasts whom no music would soothe. They had surrounded the both of them, and always valiant, Amaan had made sure no blow had fallen on her as he pushed her into the alley and asked her to Run. 

And just like that, all the poise which Bilkis had maintained through the last year, through the last rites, through the court hearings, the accusations of being not her husband, but her ‘client’, the death threats , the convictions – All of it. It all falls apart. And Bilkis Bibi cries. She howls and she screams in that empty house, with its chairs, its empty walls and its stains of ketchup . The photograph falls from her hands……

 …….Two small hands pick up the old black and white photograph lying on the floor. Sureen follows her mother and father as they enter the house. “Look ma… Look … I found a photograph” . Alia looks at the old photograph in her daughter’s hand and smiles. The previous owners must have left it here, she thinks. 

Parth snatches the photograph from Sureens hands and makes a face. “She looks so old and ugly”. Alia shakes her head and admonishes him – “Do not use such language in my presence, young man” 

 Next to her, her husband Aroop makes a grunt of disapproval. “That stain, looks like ketchup, that stain will need to go”. Always a perfectionist, her Aroop, she smiles. 

A digression, then, to set the mood. The day is bright and sunny, and there is sunlight streaming through the window. And Alia and Aroop are here to take a first look at the house they may just be spending the rest of their lives in. 

Alia looks at the empty house and almost imagines how it must have been when the owners were still staying there. The old furniture, the stains on the walls, the whitewash. All so alive, so fresh, as if it was just painted yesterday. They had got the house cheap, from a friend of a friend’s, who had inherited it from her mother. 

Local history placed the house smack in the middle of the neighborhood where the riots had taken place 25 years ago. That is where she had met Aroop. Then. In the riots. Her parents were Muslim who had been escaping from a mob of Hindu fanatics, when Aroop’s mother had given her a place to hide. Saviour and Messiah, they were destined to be together, Aroop always maintained. 

While her parents had moved to another city, she had never forgotten the red faced boy she saw that night. And as fate would have it, they met again during college, fell in love, and over one rainy, tea time conversation, had accidentally pieced together the interwoven histories. 

She looks at him and smiles… and then looks around the room. She imagines their life together, the sound of her children running through the room, , the movies they would watch together curled up in front of the Sofa , the dinner table conversations. 

Suddenly Aroop is beside her, and he holds his phone in front of them and Says “Smile”. And there is a photograph. Both of them, Smiling, happy.

Something I wrote a long time ago for an NGo I used to work with

I am often asked on what really drives me to volunteer. For most people it is the desire to do something good, to give something back to the society. While I agree with all of these ideas in principle, my propensity to volunteer comes from a baser motive.
Hands on germination of ideas have always fascinated me. I am literally jumping out of my chair whenever I think about an Idea that I helped implement, or even my vision for a particular entity of which I was the founding member. And if I may be so brash and narcissistic, I do consider myself to be the founding member of VolIndia.
Two years ago, when I spent some time with the Make A Wish foundation, it was just starting in Delhi. I was fortunate enough to have been part of the core fundraising team. It was a lot of fun, but it also required us to be quick and efficient while dealing with people who did not have a lot of time, namely, the corporate. And I am not ashamed to say this, but we failed miserably in the latter bit. But the experiences we had along the way made the entire endeavor quite an enriching one.
VolIndia generates much more passion in me than MAW ever could. While it just started out as “something to pass my time”, in the post college – pre job phase of my life, I increasingly find myself thinking more and more about how the organization can grow and prosper. We haven’t had ONE great idea all of a sudden (what some people call the EUREKA!! Moment of their lives), but rather the growth has been more incremental. In that sense, I think the team complements itself very well. We will discuss one idea here, one idea there, and over a period of a few such discussions; a coherent picture of how to proceed will emerge.
Not to say that this is all we do!! Work is just what to do between fun!! What else do you get when you put a couple of completely crazy young people in a room together. What I will remember most about VolIndia is the meetings at Café Coffee Day, or the countless moments spent giggling with Sunanda over the poorest of jokes with Rajika staring at us with an expression of utter surprise. The few lunches I have had at office have also been a lot of fun I would remember the one with Viren, because that was the day of Interviews. .
Taking interviews was quite enriching in terms of the wide spectrum of people that we met , and it was fascinating to know about the varied varieties in which people have tried to make a change in and around them regarding issues they feel strongly about. 
That is all I have to say for now, but this certainly is not the last you hear from me , dear Reader. Thank you for being so patient, and I hope you enjoyed your journey with me through what it is like Volunteering with VolIndia.
Now get off that comfortable chair, and go Volunteer!

Did they get you to trade?
When Bharti was twelve, she fell in love. Not the kind of love that would leavel,  you weak in the knees, but precisely the kind that would make you feel the joints, somewhat. Maybe feel a little woozy sometimes. She didn’t even think it was love, actually. But since that is what she thought girls her age did, she called it love. She didn’t really feel much about it too.
Because she had seen in movies and such that love usually led to much sneaking around at night, that is what she started doing. But wait, this isn’t her story. Look, see, there she goes , sneaking out of her house. Now, in one corner, you see that guy standing there, him, the one with the red glasses, yes.
He kind of just buzzed into the picture. Glasses crimson red through and through, noticing her as she went out of her house.
Let us follow him for a while now. 

The Tell tale Market

I write too, sometimes. When there are stories swarming in my head, when the words just scream to be heard,. I write. I write when there is so much to say that it tells itself. To think of it, I don’t write. The words write themselves.
What is it you said…Oh.. What do I write ?
Ah!, Well, now that is a tough one. I write stories, you see. Stories, tales, yarns…. Different kinds. I wrote this one once that I liked- about a story that escapes from the world of stories into the world of men. Or would you rather prefer the one about the city that was so lonely that it dreamed its inhabitants into existence. Tales.. all around.. Do you want me to tell you one about the man who won the 12th of october in a poker game- but lost the 5th of august?
I sell these tales in tell tale markets. Tell tale markets, what are they, you ask? Well, why don’t I show you. Why don’t you come with me to one !
Right now
Yes
Right now
Ah, ah.. This will be so much fun.. Come on.. Don’t be afraid now . The world will still be here when we get back, I promise
So, ready? Here, take my hand, close your eyes and just- breathe
A TALE OF THE TELL TALE MARKET
All aboard. No, wait. You, yes.. YOU! Get behind me. Now.. everybody.. close your eyes and breathe. Think of someone close to you… someone you see – daily. Your son, your husband. Now, this is the tricky part.. (I would advise you to ignore the screams behind you.. That’s just the wind whispering in our ears- I think)
Imagine watching them through a mirror … can you feel it…then.. staring at their own reflection.. except they are not staring at their reflection.. they are staring at you, and you see them as they truly are, or will be, for eternity. Old and worm ridden and diseased …
Ignore the scream in your ears, it’s probably only the wind…Probably
Now.. Now you see the light streaming out from behind them.. the angels hovering over their heads.. excellent.. Now turn around, keep your eyes closed and walk exactly 5 steps, till you can see the scent of faded shadows mixed with the spices of lost opportunities.. because that, dear friends, is how a story is made. The zone covered by mist of “could have beens” and “might have beens” – Mixed with the past
Now
                                Open
                                                                Your
                                                                                                Eyes
The tell tale market is here!
Do you smell it, now.. ha ha.. Yes! It is the smell of the Market, the scent of stories, hopes, dreams and fears.. all lost from the depths of time…
What is it you ask, how does one trade in the tell tale Market… Well, it’s quite simple really. You tell a story…
Or better Still.. tell a story about a story. I had this one once, see.. About this Love story, which was born as the son (or maybe Daughter, I don’t remember which) of an adventure story and a war story. The adventure story and the war story met once.. on the pages of a book..
I thought the words had disappeared… they still come, . however. They come in droves.. they come in armies.. with their own generals, their own slogans of war and peace. They drip down from the edge of my consciousness and collapse in a puddle on the floor below.. a fetid amorous mass of thoughts and word and ideas.. forever abandoned
There is above poem in their somewhere.. a mass of whatever claims itself as love and whatever claims itself as lust and hate and Venus moves away into the sun light .. the atmosphere burned away … stropped of all pretense of life
He came in.. look he said.. spider traps all over whatever claims itself to be the last piece of the wall.. Moloch whose eyes are a thousand blind windows—Ginsberg says.. Moloch whose factories dream and cloak in the fog..
There was God’s light today.. streaming behind the blood red of the days last cloud show.. they made me make something of it.. “What do you think of it” they said.. Of this depictitive surrealist dadaesque reality…
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it’s yours. The winds of change shall always come, and blow the sands of time away Only those who face the storm Shall live to see the light of day The only way to cross the desert, is step after agonising step keep walking forward, one step in front of the other, ignore all mirages. The desert is cruel, there is no water, but if you have one single purpose in mind one single motivation, you either cross the desert, or it kills you. Remind me if I forget, promise me. Love

Part Self written, part copied(you will know)

Let us Assume, for a moment that all reality is suspended. There are no bills to pay, no responsibilities, no worries about the future. Just imagine your life in a montage of happy pictures playing like a slideshow reel, just like it does in an advertisement. Imagine then, you and I, two perfectly happy, perfectly normal people. No fucked up, self jeopardising self pity, no sir.

Running back in a bit of rain today, I had the most insane idea,nay, a revelation. This did not come from the tear strained romance novel I have been reading(rather intelligent I must say) . It is this. You should be here, with me, in India. Sharing every moment, you know, with a realisation that eventually, you and I, ME and you, will help each other pull through it. I am just a better person when you are arund. Self confident, funny. So here is my proposed plan

1. Leave that job. You never admit it, but you hate it there anyway. It is cold, horribly slow and let us face it, you do get a rather lonely.

2. Come to India, shift, get another job, I don’t know. And then we could you know, even be flatmates. Provided you can overcome your sexual attraction to me that is. Or I could just lock you in your room in case you can’t. Imagine, you and I, together, in the same flat. One endless round of parties and booze and maybe even some drugs. And after a few years we will have life changing epiphainies which will remind us that drugs make us bad people and we will quit altogether.

Isn’t that the greatest plan you’ve ever heard of in your life?

Ah, typical Dexter you say, isn’t he forgetting something? Money! Plane tickets don’t grow on trees and what about social security and the work ethic etc. etc. Well don’t worry, I’m paying. Yes, I’m paying, I’m going to wire the money to you for your plane ticket (I’ve always wanted to wire money) and I’m going to pay for everything when you’re here which sounds swanky but isn’t because it is so DAMN CHEAP here. We can live for months, Em, me and you, heading down to Kerala or across to Thailand. We could go to a full moon party—imagine staying awake all night not because you’re worried about the future but because it’s FUN. (Remember when we stayed up all night after graduation, Em? Anyway. Moving on.)

For three hundred pounds of someone else’s money, you could change your life, and you musn’t worry about it because frankly I have money that I haven’t earned, and you work really hard and yet you don’t have money, so it’s socialism in action isn’t it? And if you really want you can pay me back when you’re a famous playwright, or when the poetry-money kicks in or whatever. Besides it’s only for three months. I’ve got to come back in the autumn anyway. As you know Mum’s not been well. She tells me the operation went fine and maybe it did or maybe she just doesn’t want me to worry. Either way I’ve got to come home eventually. (By the way, my mother has a theory about you and me, and if you meet me at the Taj Mahal I will tell you all about it, but only if you meet me.)

On the wall in front of me is this massive sort of praying mantis thing and he’s looking at me as if to say shut up now so I will. It’s stopped raining, and I’m about to go to a bar and meet up with some new friends for a drink, three female medical students from Amsterdam which tells you all you need to know. But on the way I’m going to find a post box and send this before I change my mind. Not because I think you coming here is a bad idea—it isn’t, it’s a great idea and you must come—but because I think I might have said too much. Sorry if this has annoyed you. The main thing is that I think about you a lot, that’s all. Dex and Em, Em and Dex. Call me sentimental, but there’s no one in the world that I’d like to see get dysentery more than you.

When Tanvi was seventeen years old, she fell in love. It was a mundane moment, really, one that would hardly be written about in a romance novel . You see, in movies and sitcoms, when one falls in love, it is usually accompanied by some slow motion camera work and a changing of colours, maybe even soundtrack in the background, No such thing happened for Tanvi though. She saw the boy in her school bus, sitting right at the very back. This was a space reserved for seniors, ones in their final year of school.

School buses, on their way back, are usually a hub bub of activity. Children laugh, shout, sing, get bullied. It is a world within a world, one that is insulated from the vagaries of teachers, homework and generally making tahir way about the real world.

For reasons entirely her own, she decided to follow the boy home. Let us now, dear reader, shift perspective. Imagine then, a camera that moves from focusing on our heroine, to the other introduced character of the story.

The boy was 18, bald and tall, not attractive in the conventional sense of the term. His mother was Bhutanese, his father was Bangladeshi, and the boy had grown up under a very religious influence . He stayed in one of those areas of the city which seemed to be a perpetual state of construction. Tanvi followed him all the way to his house and hid behind a tree as his pressed the doorbell and entered his house.

From then on, the boy seemed to occupy her thoughts. She walked home thinking about him, went to bed dreaming about him , and woke the next day with a delirious fever chanting his name .

There was not much that could be done from then on, as her fever grew progressively worse. She could not go to school without the help of an attendant, and eventually stopped going altogether. From a straight A student, her grades suffered and slipped . She took to spending her waking moments disconnected from the world. Drawing and painting, everything from landscapes to portraits, she brought her vivid imagination and delirious dreaming to life on the canvas. And always, everywhere, there seemed to be the boy. And one day, one of her paintings showed two people coming to her door. One looked Bhutanese, the other Bangladeshi.

Is this your new site? Log in to activate admin features and dismiss this message
Log In